Blasten Pastyah was born in Nilbog, Ohio, after bursting out of the womb at a high velocity. He began studying martial arts and sports nutrition at age 5, after witnessing the murder of his father (a Darwinian abortion doctor) at the hands of a group of Christian fundamentalists. Over the course of 15 years, Blasten tracked down each and every one of those Christians and smashed their skulls with his signature fighting moves. He also wrote "BADITUDE" on the walls with their blood.

Blasten honed his skills by fighting bulls in Mexico, elephant seals in Canada, Yeti in the Himalayas, and retards in the streets of Palatine, IL. The latter proved to be most difficult and the final boss, known only as "Merrill," was thrown out of the window of his penthouse office by Blasten after a heated battle. Despite creating a smoking crater in the pavement below, the body of Merrill was never recovered.

Blasten holds the record for most kills in one tournament (23), at the 1997 Idle Rich Underground Parking Complex World Fighting Invitational Championship and Car Show. There were only 20 fighters. He has also won more martial arts competitions and broken more boards and cinder blocks throughout the years than he cares to remember.

Blasten has an unquenchable thirst for justice and has recently been seen cleaning up the streets of Nilbog, one thug at a time. He has vowed not to rest until all the criminals of the world are behind bars, right where they should be.

FULL NAME: Blasten Rhite Pastyah, esq.

REAL NAME: Chip Dunkirk

BIRTHDAY: 10/31/1980

HOMETOWN: Nilbog, Ohio

HEIGHT & WEIGHT: 5.87 ft., 158 lbs.

BICEP SIZE: 21 in.

FAVORITE HORROR MOVIE: Troll 2

FAVORITE VIDEO GAME: Chiller

FAVORITE WORKOUT ROUTINE: Turkish Getup

FAVORITE GATORADE FLAVOR: Red

FAVORITE PROTEIN: T-bone

FAVORITE CARB: Spaghetti

BELT: Black

FAVORITE BOOK TO TEAR IN HALF: The Bible

NOTABLE FEUDS: Nerds, Yuppies, Human Trash

MARTIAL STATUS: Ju Jitsu, Choy Lee Fut, Pao Chui, Jun Fan Jeet Kun Do

TRAINED BY: Ken Masters

WEAPON OF CHOICE: Nunchuckus and karate stars

FINISHING MOVE: Axe-kick Head Smash

FAVORITE MOVES: Liver Strike, Head-butt, Sonic Boom

QUOTE: "Breakfast without bacon is BULLSHIT."